05/07/21: We are God

I am very tired and so writing this less of desire and more of obligation.

Yesterday was my day off, and I had to run an errand. I took a drug test and hopefully passed it, and then I found myself with a handful of free time. Visited Wildwood park, a small patch of trees and grass near the college I used to attend. There I sat on a bench surrounded with an invasive species of flower which I do not know by name, and finished the last 75 pages of Ry Downey’s Flowers Reaching Toward the Sun. After this, I found myself bookless. In truth, I haven’t finished The Raven or The Complete Sherlock Holmes Collection, only because the former is above my head and thus deemed not worth reading until I can understand it, and the latter no longer interests me (though I did stick with it for 200+ pages, the rest of the book is a collection of short stories I don’t want to read.) I visited a new & used bookstore in Sumner, picked up The Communist Manifesto, The Tibetan Book of the Dead, and a collection of Robert Frost poems. After this, I realized I had never really seen Sumner before, so I walked around aimlessly admiring this small town and visiting she shops that seemed interesting.

After this I essentially sat on my hands waiting for her to text me the greenlight, and I had a most wonderful night.

Today I woke up in the best of way I can think of, went to work on 3ish hours of sleep, and got my job done. After work I met God.

She came in the form of a woman of about 25 with short bleached hair and a black vest. I was walking out of the warehouse in a small group of people, when the girl in front of me stopped abruptly. I stopped instinctively. She turned to face me, grabbed the black billed cap off of my head, put it on, and said “now it’s not raining.”

I said something stupid like “good thing I brought extra” and then flipped my hood up.

I was stressed today because work tends to do that, and she cleared up my whole day. I will likely never see this person again, but she reminded me that we are all part of something bigger, and nothing really matters. It falls in line with the light amount of research I’ve done in the past on the idea of Absurdism. A friend told me about absurdism shortly after I explained that every day I plan my death. He said something like “why would you die today when instead you could adopt one hundred kittens and live like a king, or visit every Starbucks in Spokane and dump all the drinks you collect on your lap while singing Yanky Doodle.” Essentially absurdism hyperbolizes your thinking in a way that maybe leads to a “fuck it” attitude. I don’t know if I believe in it’s practicality, though I cannot vouch for the subject as “light research” is really just a quick google search and a skimmed article or two.

I’d like to be the background melody you didn’t notice until you listen to a familiar song attentively or with a nice pair of headphones. The banana peel on the sidewalk that reminds you of the cartoon where the guy slips comically and falls on his bum. The ridiculous satirical billboard you see one time on your drive to work. To everyone I grace with my company (hah lol.)

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