Writing out of necessity again. I am so tired.
Today the power was out at work when I showed up. I got to hang out with my new coworker Chy for a bit. She’s cool in a sort of would-tear-my-life-apart-if-we-ever-became-close-but-still-a-good-time kind of way.
I left a bunch of packages behind because they didn’t show up on my map because no power, but on one of the boxes I noticed the name “Sy Novak” and I went fully out of my way to take it. I want this woman to mentor me. I need positive adult role models in my life, as I currently feel entirely directionless with no one to look up to. Debbi is a sweet and knowledgeable adult, but I need someone in my life who did acid in the 70’s and is probably an alcoholic now, but a talented one. She’s a very talented artist in her 60’s by my best guess. Frequent alcohol deliveries and yellowed eyes tell me she’s getting tired, but her presence is almost magical. Next time I see her, I’m going to ask if she’ll have me out to the island on one of my days off to hang out. Maybe a drink-and-paint thing, or maybe I can shadow her at work, or we can just share art things we’ve created.
I’m so tired. I want to sleep lots and lots and maybe only wake up for the good parts. Where are the good parts?
After work I went to a burger place I have found myself frequenting. I brought an old edition of the Pierce College student arts magazine to read through as I sat and had a drink. On page 27 I found a $20 bill, likely placed there two years ago by a kind stranger looking to make someone’s day. It made me smile, and I payed it forward as a tip on my order and left in silence.
I always tip well at this place to make up for my lack of interaction with the staff. I speak 3 sentences when I go to this burger place. The first one is to ask for a seat at the bar, the second is when I’m asked “can I get you a water to get started?” to which I respond “I’d love a mule and a side of fries.” The last sentence is reserved for asking for the check. I am still unsure if this makes me a nuisance or the ideal customer. This is becoming a ritual “me time” and I quite enjoy it. I usually bring a book, read it for about half an hour in silence, and leave. Or I sit quietly with my hands in my lap listening to those around me. People are awfully redundant. I hear strangers repeating themselves like each repetition of the same thought is some kind of currency. Mostly they talk about what’s going on in their lives.