05/09/21: Dreams Dreams Dreams

Day three of writing out of obligation, I am very tired.

Last night I was in a high school of my mind’s creation. For some reason, I was overwhelmed with emotion, and I went outside to lay in the grass and cry. Serenity and Leyenna were hiding behind a nearby bush peering over at me curiously, similar to how children will hide behind their parents in the presence of other adults. I was down about something, and three people approached me, one at a time, to try to console. A boy in a red coat came through the door to the outside and said something like “hi, redcoat here, it doesn’t make sense that you’re feeling this way, so you should just feel better.” The next was bluecoat, who said something like “it’s okay to feel the way you feel, just let it out and things will be better with time.” Finally, greencoat introduced himself and said “man whales sure don’t have to think about this stuff when they read the Sunday paper and send their kids off to boarding school.” I think redcoat was my logical brain, bluecoat was my emotional brain, and greencoat represented absurdism.

I was in a school bus full of other kids, when suddenly an army officer and two privates entered the bus, asked for me by name, and I was escorted into a helicopter. In this helicopter I was surrounded by uniforms. We were about 15 feet off the ground, and I felt a sort of “spidey-sense.” Something was wrong. I jumped out of the helicopter and began sprinting away. Five seconds later, the helicopter was hit by a missile. When I’m dreaming and I come to expect something, it almost always happens. The helicopter exploded and these people shot everyone on the bus. These people were in white uniforms like in The Hunger Games, and their goal was to kill everyone and then suicide themselves. I was flashed into a sort of gag-reel of every TV show I had ever watched, seeing beloved characters in scenes that I was familiar with being shot in the head, and then jump cut to the next character/show. Eventually they caught up with me, and I tried to wake myself up before I was shot. They popped me and I woke up with a start.

I am tired but well distracted by this job. My cousin called me today to tell me she was pregnant. From her ex-boyfriend. Who wants her to get an abortion. She doesn’t want this. She also doesn’t want to be with him.

Everyone I know went to Jupiter.

Symbols, tokens, everything is broken.

I’m blue, if I was green I would die.

Sally has a terrible business model, but word-of-mouth counts for more than location apparently, because she’s still in business.

Did I leave the oven on?

I didn’t want to drive off a bridge today.

I want to be part of this facebook group, but I am both much too scared to share anything I write with others, as I see it as taking myself seriously, which I cannot do. Also it saves me some hurt. I lack self control, and I know if I make another facebook, I’ll spend too much time dicking around with cooking videos I’ll never recreate. Cost-benefit analysis tells me it’s not worth my time.

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