05/14/21: Write something so you can go to bed

I read books because I want to be interesting to the people I find interesting

or maybe because my ego is a constantly deflating balloon

I draw with the end goal of actually loving something that I create

also a gun with limited ammo

these artillery shells cannot be manufactured fast enough to feed the hungry mortar team

I keep telling myself I’ll feel fulfilled if I just fully fill myself with all these fuckin pages

Asaiah asked me today “who do you read books on meditation instead of just practicing it”

Authors are the closest thing I have to role models and I’m not doing a great job of raising myself myself

I never find closure, I just get distracted

my dad says that’s why I still want to fuck everyone I’ve ever fucked and ignore everyone I’ve ever ignored

lead by example, where’s my example

boo hoo boo hoo wawawa poor me

someone feel bad for me so I can stoke the fire

listen to me bitch about my easy life and then tell me I’m great so I can continue this endless supply of artillery

even this is a game, these words are a triple negative

everything I say is calculative and with selfish motive

were all selfish I think, you help people feel better and it makes you feel better

you’re objectively good, but still feeding the ego

I could convince a stranger to stab me in the eye and at the end of the day I’d still blame him

my id is out of control and my ego is sitting on a beach in Cuba with it’s phone on silent

I am careless with the emotions of others because of this eternal quest to feel good

chasing highs despite the lows a water hose that’s never closed pick a pack of knickknacks a rack of ribs a sack of nibs

ink ink ink I’m an addict with a pen

ahahaha Pisces are so changeable, the immediacy of my mindset influences my feelings enough to convince myself that how I’m feeling now is how I always feel

bazinga boop bop deep dorp

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: