07/05/21: Unpacking

I’m all moved in! It was a stressful and sweaty few days, but my new room is all set up. Cat gave us all sorts of paintings and they’re currently covering the majority of my “walls.” My walls are my ceiling, the room is basically shaped like an A. I appreciate the symmetry and I like that is has a sort of basement feel even though it’s upstairs. When I was young I never left my room, so my dad and my brothers called me the basement troll. I didn’t want to live in the real world at the time and avoided everything at all costs. It was all worth it though, now I have so much knowledge on videogames that will not prove useful in the slightest. I think the proper nouns, things like character names and item names will fade and be lost (which I don’t actually have a problem with) but there are concepts that can stick around. I had a great conversation with Itimar a while ago and when I made the point that I see videogames as a waste of time, he countered me convincingly enough. He said that he wanted to achieve a goal in a game, and even though it was hard and it frustrated him, he kept going until he achieved this goal. I think this can be translated into everyday life; things like work projects and chores and general responsibilities that we maybe don’t want to do. On top of this, videogames can teach you people skills; how to work together as a team. I don’t think I know how to collaborate. I’ve done a few drawings with other people, but they’ve been very “you do one half and I’ll do the other.” This is technically collaboration, but I think that good collaboration is dynamic and conceptual. Ideas bounce off of one and on to another where they are morphed and sculpted into a thing who’s whole is greater than the sum of its parts.

I’ve been spiraling a bit today. I got off late and it made me sort of grumpy. This grumpy translated into a sort of nihilism about everything. I’ve also been policing these thoughts as they come up. It hasn’t helped improve my grumpy mood, but it has taken twice the effort to think about everything. Mindfulness isn’t always pretty, but one day maybe I wont get so damn pissed at traffic.

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